I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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