It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
