theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
