he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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