When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
