just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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