So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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