If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.