I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
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i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b