maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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