You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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