I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
