I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.