yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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