It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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