youre lurking in front of me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
