Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
