dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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