i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
