that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
