I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
