Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
