Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
