I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
