"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
