The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
