fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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