Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
