i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
