There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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