then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
