I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
