I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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