Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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