I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
