Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
