Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
