I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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