My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
