I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
