He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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