too bad you live with your parents still
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
