Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize