I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
