Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
