I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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