she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
you're hired as official boob wrangler
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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