this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
