It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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