lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
