A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it's like iHOP with fire
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize