New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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