I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
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All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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