saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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