Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You pole danced in your parka.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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