I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
