Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
