Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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