You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You just made me feel so damn special
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
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matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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