I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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