wrigley field is MILF paradise
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
