My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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