you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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