i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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