its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
