I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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