I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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