So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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