ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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