I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
