I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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