i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
