that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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