Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize