I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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