Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
