My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
