Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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