I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize